My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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