ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize