Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
