Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
