Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
