If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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