they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
