I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
