I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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