Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
