I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
