I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
