the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
