dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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