Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize