I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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