the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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