Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize