I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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