whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
