I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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