Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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