we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize