i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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