I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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