dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
