Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
