you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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