remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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