First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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