i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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