You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
