my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
