I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
