Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
