I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
