I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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