ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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