I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
