i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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