Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize