Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
