I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hippo gnu deer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
