Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
