dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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