im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
