I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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