even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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