Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
