what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
