He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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