oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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