so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
