The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
