Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
