you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
