I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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