I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
