I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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