You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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