hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
