Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
