i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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