we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize