Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize