mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
