WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
