so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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