it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
