Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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