my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
